August 2009
9 posts
Things I don't get:
1) writing on bathroom stalls (ie. “tom + sara = love foreva” or “i <3 peter!”). why?? do you run back out the bathroom, go to your boyfriend and say “baby, baby, i love you SO much that i couldn’t stop thinking about you, even while i’m (via alex: “dropping the kids off at the pool). so i had to make sure that countless other strangers who enter...
Lost in Translation
all text in italics have been translated from french for your english reading pleasure
my advisor: you teach me english! that make you my mistress! me: (awkward face) my advisor: no? is it not called mistress? me: errrr…. a mistress is when you’re married, but you keep a girlfriend… who you… meet with my advisor: ahhhh, like Monica Lewinksy!
me: come with me back to my...
July 2009
12 posts
Advice for the man with no game
this goes out to all the fellas who just don’t have game and all the sistas who be feelin the pain.
conduct as it pertains to clubbing:
i respect you for making your way over and trying to dance with a girl. really i do. especially since i’m sure that 70% of the times you try this, you get shut down. but we need to get you caught up on dancing etiquette. if she suddenly makes some...
FACT: guys here are forward.
tell me, does it ever work for you? does sneaking up behind a girl, copping a feel, and whispering in her ear that she’s your beautiful princess and asking her to dance with you… DOES THAT GET YOU LAID?! because honestly my initial reaction is to cut off my lower body with a machete before you can get any closer to it.
first of all, if you don’t remove your hand from my person,...
How to artificially inseminate mosquitoes:
1) place male on top of female
2) cut off male’s head to force post-mortem ejaculation
apparently removal of the head results in a release of all organs and fluids… and i do mean all. if only we could hear the male’s thoughts post throat-slitting…
“that’s a bit drastic, i’d like to think i could have gotten the job done on my own.”
i think i...
June 2009
53 posts
what NOT to do in Paris
walk home alone, tipsy, at 2AM. french guys are hella forward, but it’s a lot more creepy alone, late at night. this guy approached me and i ignored him and then he followed me, getting upset saying “don’t ignore me! i’m talking to you!” and i was like woww… this is really not how i imagined dying. and then i passed a guy crouching on the sidewalk looking at...
